I read somewhere that sometimes, when people think they are hungry, they're actually dehydrated. Well, since I know I'm hungry more than I like, I started thinking: Maybe what my body wants is less diet pop, which as we are learning, is really bad for you anyways, and more H2O. So, Be It Resolved that I will drink at least 64 ounces of water a day to take care of my body. After all, I know some of the resolutions coming up, and I'm going to need it to carry me through.
As for yesterday's resolution, we did pretty well. I have to admit, I lost my cool at bed time, but I got it back under control and have been doing pretty good so far today. Honestly, it's been nice not to yell... I realized that one of the "reasons" for the hollering is that I am busy doing something else so instead of going to see what the problem is, I think my loud voice will solve the problem... yeah, it doesn't. Until tomorrow...
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Trial and Error
It's become very clear to me that I am not the best at following through with my plans. This blog was supposed to be about my journey to become the person I know is lurking below the surface... the only problem is, there are little things I do to sabatoge myself. So, I'm creating the Sarah Dare, or as I call it, the "Be It Resolved Dare"... not to be confused with the Love Dare. Each day, I'm going to reflect on one smallish thing I do that cripples my attempt to grow into myself. Then, for the next 24 hours, I will be conscious of when and why I do the act I want to change. Each day, I'll add something new, continuing with the change from the days before, but making a more concerted effort to change the way I respond to life. I suppose some days will be more environmental, like don't go to bed with a dirty kitchen sink, and others, like today's are things that make each day more stressful than they need to be and eat away at the relationship.
So today, Be It Resolved that I will find other ways to communicate with my family other than yelling. First, it doesn't really get them to do what I need them to do and it creates a home that is not in harmony with the way I want to raise my children. There is a calm me waiting to be unleashed... just wait and see!
So today, Be It Resolved that I will find other ways to communicate with my family other than yelling. First, it doesn't really get them to do what I need them to do and it creates a home that is not in harmony with the way I want to raise my children. There is a calm me waiting to be unleashed... just wait and see!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Getting overwhelmed
I'm having a very confusing day! This morning, I woke up full of confidence. I was ready to take on the end of the book and sail through the morning with no distractions. Because, having two kids, that seemed reasonable. But as the morning wore on and the impending dentist appointment grew closer, doubt has poisoned my day.
I thought it might be good to start building my database of agents I want to submit to. Turns out, that's something better done with the aid of a glass (bottle) of wine or some other alcoholic substance. There are so many agents out there. Do I stick with the NYC ones or do I branch out to agencies in other parts of the country. I can see going to SF, CA route, but Orlando? North Carolina? Is it worth my time? How do I know if an agent is reputible? How do I know I can trust them? How long do I give them before I realize that they aren't going to call? Am I really good enough to get published? Sure, I've posted on my other blog about writers who's work, at least to me, seems sub-par to my own, and yet they staill manage to obtain a contract, but maybe they knew someone. Maybe they had a foot in the door. Maybe they self-published.
Perhaps I'm a purist, but I don't want to self-publish. I don't a hidden gem in my back pocket that I can whip out and say, "Here, don't you know so-and-so?" I have these "dreams" that I make it "big"... by big, I mean sell enough to cover the cost of writing another...and some new shoes... maybe some pens... but the world of publishing is large. It's competitive. It's foreign. So many questions and even when I figure out the answers, they only uncover more questions.
I know I'll figure this out. I always do, but just once, today, I would love for someone to call me and say, "Hey, a little bird told me you were writing a book. You know, I know someone who knows someone.... let's see what we can do."
Yeah... talk about a dream!
I thought it might be good to start building my database of agents I want to submit to. Turns out, that's something better done with the aid of a glass (bottle) of wine or some other alcoholic substance. There are so many agents out there. Do I stick with the NYC ones or do I branch out to agencies in other parts of the country. I can see going to SF, CA route, but Orlando? North Carolina? Is it worth my time? How do I know if an agent is reputible? How do I know I can trust them? How long do I give them before I realize that they aren't going to call? Am I really good enough to get published? Sure, I've posted on my other blog about writers who's work, at least to me, seems sub-par to my own, and yet they staill manage to obtain a contract, but maybe they knew someone. Maybe they had a foot in the door. Maybe they self-published.
Perhaps I'm a purist, but I don't want to self-publish. I don't a hidden gem in my back pocket that I can whip out and say, "Here, don't you know so-and-so?" I have these "dreams" that I make it "big"... by big, I mean sell enough to cover the cost of writing another...and some new shoes... maybe some pens... but the world of publishing is large. It's competitive. It's foreign. So many questions and even when I figure out the answers, they only uncover more questions.
I know I'll figure this out. I always do, but just once, today, I would love for someone to call me and say, "Hey, a little bird told me you were writing a book. You know, I know someone who knows someone.... let's see what we can do."
Yeah... talk about a dream!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The Key to an All-night Spring Cleaning and Pilates
I have discovered the key to all-night cleaning sessions!
First, start cleaning. About 90 minutes later, go to bed and realize that you are not a spring chicken. Then, get up the next morning, invite another person's child to come over for a playdate. Eat breakfast with kids. Unload and load dishes. Open door for above mentioned playdate guest. Send them to the kids room and only get involved if some cries. Turn on Pandora on the over-priced, but well worth it Blu-ray player. Begin cleaning Decide to make a bean soup for dinner in the crockpot. Do a quick soak of the beans and get the rest of it going. Make lunch for the kids after they come in for the ninth time. Eat lunch with the kids. Don't forget the fresh picked strawberries. Then, sit down to blog about the afore mentioned spring cleaning.
Okay, maybe this is just another form of procrastination... I am a pro at it, but I thought it was interesting that I seem to be more organized and focused with three kids then with two. Why is that? Perhaps it's because I tend to play referee with the boys or perhaps three is just better than two when it comes to play. If someone gets mad, the other two keep playing together and the third eventually comes back to play as though nothing happened. (Don't tell me husband I said that or he will be looking to add triplets to our midst and I am just now finally taking control over my body.)
Which brings me to pilates. You know those commercials where amazingly toned women tell you how much fun pilates is.... turns out they are not lying. There was an open house at the gym last week and my friend and I decided to take a free class. It was easy. I'm not saying it didn't take skill. I'm not even saying I had that skill, but it was easy on me. In fact, I loved the class so much I bought a 15 class package. (For the record, I have never paid for the "extras" at the gym.) In fact, the next day, I was tight, not sore. (Sore is a big deterrent for me.) Confession time: my core hurt like crazy and since it's pollen season, the sneezing was the worst, but it was all worth it. I'm signed up for the Thursday night class until I get back from KS, and then I'm uping it to 2 a week. After a month of that, I'm adding Zumba lite. (I'm also adding Aqua Zumba as soon as I find my suit.) I'm starting to like the idea of classes. Of course, those do not eliminate the other workouts, but even those aren't so bad anymore. I'm not a gym rat. I'm going to say I will never be a gym rat. (I have a habit of doing things I say I will never do.)
What's brought all this on? Well, I didn't do the mini this year. Between breaking my leg and my grandfather's death, my heart wasn't in it. But as luck would have it, the 2011 mini will be held on May 7, the day BEFORE my birthday. So, I will have a second change to complete the mini during my 36th year of life. And cross that off the bucket list. Anyways, I'm spending the next 6 months focused on shedding the pounds that life, depression, and boredome have lumped on to me. Then, we'll ratchet it up a notch and get to work training for the mini. My goal is to do it in 2:59.59. My initial goal was to finish, but honestly, what kind of goal is that.... of course I'm going to finish.
I've been thinking about my attitude a lot lately. I'm not the bravest person. I have let fear influence decisions rather than courage. I don't like that. The same is true of negative thinking. I let myself talk me out of doing what I want. Writing the book... not only writing it, but preparing to pitch it to an agent in July, has really made me reconsider just how much of a pain my inner critic is... she's kinda mean... adn she's banned. Sure, she may find an open door every now and then, but that when I call my inner security!
First, start cleaning. About 90 minutes later, go to bed and realize that you are not a spring chicken. Then, get up the next morning, invite another person's child to come over for a playdate. Eat breakfast with kids. Unload and load dishes. Open door for above mentioned playdate guest. Send them to the kids room and only get involved if some cries. Turn on Pandora on the over-priced, but well worth it Blu-ray player. Begin cleaning Decide to make a bean soup for dinner in the crockpot. Do a quick soak of the beans and get the rest of it going. Make lunch for the kids after they come in for the ninth time. Eat lunch with the kids. Don't forget the fresh picked strawberries. Then, sit down to blog about the afore mentioned spring cleaning.
Okay, maybe this is just another form of procrastination... I am a pro at it, but I thought it was interesting that I seem to be more organized and focused with three kids then with two. Why is that? Perhaps it's because I tend to play referee with the boys or perhaps three is just better than two when it comes to play. If someone gets mad, the other two keep playing together and the third eventually comes back to play as though nothing happened. (Don't tell me husband I said that or he will be looking to add triplets to our midst and I am just now finally taking control over my body.)
Which brings me to pilates. You know those commercials where amazingly toned women tell you how much fun pilates is.... turns out they are not lying. There was an open house at the gym last week and my friend and I decided to take a free class. It was easy. I'm not saying it didn't take skill. I'm not even saying I had that skill, but it was easy on me. In fact, I loved the class so much I bought a 15 class package. (For the record, I have never paid for the "extras" at the gym.) In fact, the next day, I was tight, not sore. (Sore is a big deterrent for me.) Confession time: my core hurt like crazy and since it's pollen season, the sneezing was the worst, but it was all worth it. I'm signed up for the Thursday night class until I get back from KS, and then I'm uping it to 2 a week. After a month of that, I'm adding Zumba lite. (I'm also adding Aqua Zumba as soon as I find my suit.) I'm starting to like the idea of classes. Of course, those do not eliminate the other workouts, but even those aren't so bad anymore. I'm not a gym rat. I'm going to say I will never be a gym rat. (I have a habit of doing things I say I will never do.)
What's brought all this on? Well, I didn't do the mini this year. Between breaking my leg and my grandfather's death, my heart wasn't in it. But as luck would have it, the 2011 mini will be held on May 7, the day BEFORE my birthday. So, I will have a second change to complete the mini during my 36th year of life. And cross that off the bucket list. Anyways, I'm spending the next 6 months focused on shedding the pounds that life, depression, and boredome have lumped on to me. Then, we'll ratchet it up a notch and get to work training for the mini. My goal is to do it in 2:59.59. My initial goal was to finish, but honestly, what kind of goal is that.... of course I'm going to finish.
I've been thinking about my attitude a lot lately. I'm not the bravest person. I have let fear influence decisions rather than courage. I don't like that. The same is true of negative thinking. I let myself talk me out of doing what I want. Writing the book... not only writing it, but preparing to pitch it to an agent in July, has really made me reconsider just how much of a pain my inner critic is... she's kinda mean... adn she's banned. Sure, she may find an open door every now and then, but that when I call my inner security!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Springtime
Until today, I never really cared about spring. Of all the seasons, it's the least dramatic. If you think about it, it's kind of like the warm up act for summer. Everything in spring happens so gradually that you hardly notice until one day, the lightweight sweater you put on in the cool morning has turned into a portable suana. Or the flowers you planted weeks before seem to bloom overnight. Neither of those events "just happened". They were a long time coming. We just didn't see the work being done.
That's how I feel today. Like something that has been buried just below the surface has popped up and while I'm not sure what it means, I know that my growth is taking an outward appearance. For example, I have been putting off getting my hair highlighted. Now those of you who knew me in grad school know that in an of itself should have been cause to have me committed. But today, I took a chance, went to the Cosmotolgy School here in town and am quite happy with the results... yes, I may actually forego the expensive salon prices for a good product at a great price. It may seem silly, especially if your a guy, but what's one of the first things we women do when we're ready for a change? Show me MAKEOVER.
Another thing that has changed is the book. I am still editing, but now when people ask me about it, I share a bit without hesitation. Not that writing the book has redefined me, but let's be honest, writing 401 pages of fiction is something that more than a few people want to do, but the number of people who actually put pen to paper (or document to printer) is far less. Even if the book never gets published, I get to cross something off my bucket list. It's the realization that I accomplished something even I thought I would never do, and it turns out not to suck. Even better.
Spring also makes me feel like things are possible. Maybe last year I didn't take the kids to the park as often as I wanted. Maybe I found reasons not to have adventures, even little ones, with them. Maybe last year, I didn't get in shape. Maybe I wasn't the best friend I could have been. Maybe I was too short with my husband. The great thing is, I realize that today (and every day) is a clean slate. It's a chance to start over. While there is someone in my past who caused me great pain, he did have a couple of hallmark moments. One of his comments was about gettting a chance to start the day over every second of every day. All you have to do is realize that you're on the wrong path, make a choice to change it, and then do it. (I really, for his sake, wish he would have taken some of his sage advise.) But he was none-the-less right. Every moment we have is a chance to make our life more. More of what we want, more of who we are, more love, more kindness, more hope, more forgiveness, more laughter, more everything.
So enjoy the awesome weather, even if hail is beating down on your car... that's what insurance is for, trust me, I know... and take some time to live in the moment and enjoy life. Can't do that? Well it's your lucky day. You have the chance to make a change.
That's how I feel today. Like something that has been buried just below the surface has popped up and while I'm not sure what it means, I know that my growth is taking an outward appearance. For example, I have been putting off getting my hair highlighted. Now those of you who knew me in grad school know that in an of itself should have been cause to have me committed. But today, I took a chance, went to the Cosmotolgy School here in town and am quite happy with the results... yes, I may actually forego the expensive salon prices for a good product at a great price. It may seem silly, especially if your a guy, but what's one of the first things we women do when we're ready for a change? Show me MAKEOVER.
Another thing that has changed is the book. I am still editing, but now when people ask me about it, I share a bit without hesitation. Not that writing the book has redefined me, but let's be honest, writing 401 pages of fiction is something that more than a few people want to do, but the number of people who actually put pen to paper (or document to printer) is far less. Even if the book never gets published, I get to cross something off my bucket list. It's the realization that I accomplished something even I thought I would never do, and it turns out not to suck. Even better.
Spring also makes me feel like things are possible. Maybe last year I didn't take the kids to the park as often as I wanted. Maybe I found reasons not to have adventures, even little ones, with them. Maybe last year, I didn't get in shape. Maybe I wasn't the best friend I could have been. Maybe I was too short with my husband. The great thing is, I realize that today (and every day) is a clean slate. It's a chance to start over. While there is someone in my past who caused me great pain, he did have a couple of hallmark moments. One of his comments was about gettting a chance to start the day over every second of every day. All you have to do is realize that you're on the wrong path, make a choice to change it, and then do it. (I really, for his sake, wish he would have taken some of his sage advise.) But he was none-the-less right. Every moment we have is a chance to make our life more. More of what we want, more of who we are, more love, more kindness, more hope, more forgiveness, more laughter, more everything.
So enjoy the awesome weather, even if hail is beating down on your car... that's what insurance is for, trust me, I know... and take some time to live in the moment and enjoy life. Can't do that? Well it's your lucky day. You have the chance to make a change.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Hanging up some hats
I hate to admit it, but I can't do everything all the time.
The last few weeks have been a blur. During the month of March, my grandfather was diagonsed with cancer and I went back to Kansas to spend time with the man who has been the most stable male influence in my life. I had planned to be there as long as I was needed, but less than a week after I arrived, my grandfather took his leave from our Earthly kingdom and departed for his heavenly home. To say that I was sad is an understatement, but having the chance to care for him and also be there in his last moments left me changed (once again). I realized that, as much as I try not to, I sometimes forget what's important. See, my grandfather lived his life by his rules and he was a greatly loved and respected man for it. He didn't, even in death, conform to what others thought he should do. He wasn't perfect, but he was good, and I can only hope to be half the person that he was.
In retrospect, I realized that I am taking on a little too much at one time to truly find out who I am. So, I am hanging up (temporarily) several hats. First, the activist in me will have to be absorbed into the other things I am doing. I hope to someday be a part of some movement, or at least something bigger than me, in an active way, but for now, home and hearth and a still unfinished novel, will have to do. I can go green by preparing healthy foods made with natural ingredients and making my own cleaning supplies, but the rest will have to wait. Second, the foodie in me is on hold. I will still be cooking, but it will be simple things that my family will eat, with the occassionaly experiment thrown in for good measure. Third, adventure, much like activist, will be taken over by accomplishing goals while wearing the other hats. The biggest adventure I have is my family. The second biggest adventure is my previously mentioned and still unfinished book. Finally, while I will still do the occassional spread or make a greeting card from time to time, my crafty hat will also find an empty hook on which to rest. Eventually, I will take these hats up and wear them proudly as I walk down the street, but I know, when I die, I won't think to myself, "I wish I would have learned to cook French food." But I think I will wish that my book had been translated into French.
So that's it. I have cut my twelve hats down to eight. I have focused on what is most important and I am a better person because of it. My new goal is to end the day eager to wake up in the morning and experience everything that life and God have to offer. To live in the moment and not do anything I for which I might have to apologize. When I look back on my life, I hope that this will be the time where I stop living with regret and starting living a life of uncommon grace and love. I hope to have left a small impact on those around me and love without condition. Sure, I will probably be grumpy every now and then, but I will do what needs to be done, just like my grandpa!
The last few weeks have been a blur. During the month of March, my grandfather was diagonsed with cancer and I went back to Kansas to spend time with the man who has been the most stable male influence in my life. I had planned to be there as long as I was needed, but less than a week after I arrived, my grandfather took his leave from our Earthly kingdom and departed for his heavenly home. To say that I was sad is an understatement, but having the chance to care for him and also be there in his last moments left me changed (once again). I realized that, as much as I try not to, I sometimes forget what's important. See, my grandfather lived his life by his rules and he was a greatly loved and respected man for it. He didn't, even in death, conform to what others thought he should do. He wasn't perfect, but he was good, and I can only hope to be half the person that he was.
In retrospect, I realized that I am taking on a little too much at one time to truly find out who I am. So, I am hanging up (temporarily) several hats. First, the activist in me will have to be absorbed into the other things I am doing. I hope to someday be a part of some movement, or at least something bigger than me, in an active way, but for now, home and hearth and a still unfinished novel, will have to do. I can go green by preparing healthy foods made with natural ingredients and making my own cleaning supplies, but the rest will have to wait. Second, the foodie in me is on hold. I will still be cooking, but it will be simple things that my family will eat, with the occassionaly experiment thrown in for good measure. Third, adventure, much like activist, will be taken over by accomplishing goals while wearing the other hats. The biggest adventure I have is my family. The second biggest adventure is my previously mentioned and still unfinished book. Finally, while I will still do the occassional spread or make a greeting card from time to time, my crafty hat will also find an empty hook on which to rest. Eventually, I will take these hats up and wear them proudly as I walk down the street, but I know, when I die, I won't think to myself, "I wish I would have learned to cook French food." But I think I will wish that my book had been translated into French.
So that's it. I have cut my twelve hats down to eight. I have focused on what is most important and I am a better person because of it. My new goal is to end the day eager to wake up in the morning and experience everything that life and God have to offer. To live in the moment and not do anything I for which I might have to apologize. When I look back on my life, I hope that this will be the time where I stop living with regret and starting living a life of uncommon grace and love. I hope to have left a small impact on those around me and love without condition. Sure, I will probably be grumpy every now and then, but I will do what needs to be done, just like my grandpa!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Why I blog
I have recently been accused of being too hard on myself and using this blog to beat myself up... not her words, mine, and it got me to thinking about why I am blogging. It's certainly not because of the masses clammering to read my words... at last count, this blog has had 20 hits... pretty sad by blogging standards, but since that's not my motivation, it's fine.
The reason I blog is because I am working hard to figure out who I am and what it is that is most important to me. I can see, in my mind, the person I am meant to be, but I am far from that woman. It's not a criticism, it's a fact. It's like when I say I'm fat and someone counters with a well-meaning, "No you aren't." We both know they're being nice, but it's not helping me get real. This blog is part me getting the emotions I have bottled up inside of me out in black and white so I can see them, and also a chance for me to work through the issues I have as they come up. Sometimes the issues are simple while others are more complex, but either way, they are life altering. This is how I deal. Introspection is my process. But it hasn't worked like it could because there was never any way that I held myself accountable.
That is the other reason for this blog. If I post something and someone reads it, I feel more inclined to continue working or the challenges that I have set out. Also, I'm not a hard and fast person, so this blog is a chance for me to continuously keep recharting my course, as well as see where I have come from.
During the last year, I have gone through some major changes. Some are more inside, and not really visible to the untrained eye, and some are more obvious. But I don't want it to stop. I want to keep pushing myself to open up and finally know what it means to trust and be free.
Free of what? Free of the confines of what others believe. Free to be 35 going on 36 and not allow others to make me feel like a child. Free to accept that what makes me feel fulfilled may not do the same for others. Free to embrace the things that make me a dork and love them. Free to try things and fail. Free to try things and succeed. Free to be honest about what I think. Free to let others know me. Free to stop caring about the Jones and focus on the Schmitts. Free to surround me with people who lift me up, not drag me down. Free to change.
I think we often play roles in relationships and occassionaly, we realize that we are still stuck in a role we have outgrown. Often, changing that role creates even more problems, so it's easier to just continue the relationship as it has always been. But we are in denial when we do that. We are stiffeling our own growth, but often blaming the other person in the relationship. That denial can ultimately end in a dissolution of the relationship. I'm not just talking about marriages or the work place. Over time, personal relationships can suffer. I hate to admit it, but I feel like I have done that, and while I am guilty of changing the rules, I refuse to be sorry for it. I refuse to feel bad that I am no longer willing to play the side-kick who's lucky to be invited to the party. It's just not me.
Perhaps you understand what I'm talking about or perhaps you're thinking Sarah has lost her mind. But I know who I am becoming, and I actually like her... even if her house isn't spotless or her children do find it fun to pretend they are shooting each other with Star Wars blasters... in the end, I go to bed with a smile on my face and look forward to the morning to come!
The reason I blog is because I am working hard to figure out who I am and what it is that is most important to me. I can see, in my mind, the person I am meant to be, but I am far from that woman. It's not a criticism, it's a fact. It's like when I say I'm fat and someone counters with a well-meaning, "No you aren't." We both know they're being nice, but it's not helping me get real. This blog is part me getting the emotions I have bottled up inside of me out in black and white so I can see them, and also a chance for me to work through the issues I have as they come up. Sometimes the issues are simple while others are more complex, but either way, they are life altering. This is how I deal. Introspection is my process. But it hasn't worked like it could because there was never any way that I held myself accountable.
That is the other reason for this blog. If I post something and someone reads it, I feel more inclined to continue working or the challenges that I have set out. Also, I'm not a hard and fast person, so this blog is a chance for me to continuously keep recharting my course, as well as see where I have come from.
During the last year, I have gone through some major changes. Some are more inside, and not really visible to the untrained eye, and some are more obvious. But I don't want it to stop. I want to keep pushing myself to open up and finally know what it means to trust and be free.
Free of what? Free of the confines of what others believe. Free to be 35 going on 36 and not allow others to make me feel like a child. Free to accept that what makes me feel fulfilled may not do the same for others. Free to embrace the things that make me a dork and love them. Free to try things and fail. Free to try things and succeed. Free to be honest about what I think. Free to let others know me. Free to stop caring about the Jones and focus on the Schmitts. Free to surround me with people who lift me up, not drag me down. Free to change.
I think we often play roles in relationships and occassionaly, we realize that we are still stuck in a role we have outgrown. Often, changing that role creates even more problems, so it's easier to just continue the relationship as it has always been. But we are in denial when we do that. We are stiffeling our own growth, but often blaming the other person in the relationship. That denial can ultimately end in a dissolution of the relationship. I'm not just talking about marriages or the work place. Over time, personal relationships can suffer. I hate to admit it, but I feel like I have done that, and while I am guilty of changing the rules, I refuse to be sorry for it. I refuse to feel bad that I am no longer willing to play the side-kick who's lucky to be invited to the party. It's just not me.
Perhaps you understand what I'm talking about or perhaps you're thinking Sarah has lost her mind. But I know who I am becoming, and I actually like her... even if her house isn't spotless or her children do find it fun to pretend they are shooting each other with Star Wars blasters... in the end, I go to bed with a smile on my face and look forward to the morning to come!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Book
It looks like I actually might make this new deadline. If I can edit two chapters a night, I will finish up in 12 days... 13, because I have a GNO tomorrow... I know this is short, but it's nice to feel like I might actually make it!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
I am humbled
Every once in a while, Facebook serves to alter the course, or at least the attitude of a person's life. Tonight, I think that may have happened to me. By chance, I was scrolling through the status updates and came across one from a MOPS friend about a little 2 year old girl, Layla Grace, who is going through her final days in her battle against cancer, barring a miracle from God. Within moments, I was in tears. Granted, it doesn't take much, but this was different. I was being given a window view of someones pain while they said goodbye to their daughter. I came back a little later after I had calmed down and read a past post about regret... and I realized that I am an incredibly selfish and unaware person. I'm not saying I'm a bad person, and I'm not looking for someone to tell me, "No you aren't." Across the hall from me sleep two beautiful and healthy little boys who would make any mother beam with pride to call them her sons. And I spend too much of the day wishing they would be quiet, or let me get the dishes done, or stop fighting, or pick up their sippy cup, or the list goes on and on, but you get the point. And I don't realize that at any moment, God could call them home and that would be it. There would be no more time to mediate an argument or celebrate milestones or blow bubbles or watch as they set their determination on mastering the art of climbing up the wall of an inflatible bounce house.
It's not just my kids that I have this attitude with... it's everything. I have been walking through life in a dream. I have big plans, but I don't follow through. Why? It's not because I can't. It's because I am blind to the gifts I have. I have wall-papered over the pain and joy in my life. I have refused to embrace it while I have professed to be growing as a person. And yet, when push comes to shove, I step aside.
Bad things happen to good people. It's nothing personal. And good things happen to bad people. Again, it's nothing personal. We have free will. Like with the boys, I often give them a choice. It's not always a good choice, but they always have a choice. I have a choice. I can embrace the good and the not so good in my life and live as though every moment had meaning, or I can waste the finite time I have been given and fill it with regret and wishes.
While I have never met Layla Grace, she has opened my eyes and changed my heart, and if she is called Home, I hope it will give her family some small happiness to know that in such a short time, their precious little girl has changed the world.
It's not just my kids that I have this attitude with... it's everything. I have been walking through life in a dream. I have big plans, but I don't follow through. Why? It's not because I can't. It's because I am blind to the gifts I have. I have wall-papered over the pain and joy in my life. I have refused to embrace it while I have professed to be growing as a person. And yet, when push comes to shove, I step aside.
Bad things happen to good people. It's nothing personal. And good things happen to bad people. Again, it's nothing personal. We have free will. Like with the boys, I often give them a choice. It's not always a good choice, but they always have a choice. I have a choice. I can embrace the good and the not so good in my life and live as though every moment had meaning, or I can waste the finite time I have been given and fill it with regret and wishes.
While I have never met Layla Grace, she has opened my eyes and changed my heart, and if she is called Home, I hope it will give her family some small happiness to know that in such a short time, their precious little girl has changed the world.
February Recap
At the beginning of the month, I posted a challenge for each hat, so I thought it would be good to review and set the new (or continued) challenges for March... this should be interesting.
Wife: So this month, I will honor our marriage by consciously thinking about what I can do to help him have a better day. I've struggled with this from day to day... as part of my Lenten preparation, I am doing the Love Dare, and while our marriage is a good one, I'm finding that we don't always treat each other as kindly as I once thought. Not to say we are down-right mean, but we are gifted in pushing each others buttons. For March, I will work harder to change the way I respond to my awesome husband and hopefully I will see that returned.
Mother: For the next 26 days, I will do something constructive and creative with my children. Much better than in the past... still a bit more to go. We've revamped our daily schedule so that we can all (hopefully) accomplish what we need from the day. God grant us the serenity as I implement these changes.
Friend: Whether it's a quick note or a long letter attempting to catch up with old friends, I'm going to send a letter. Horrible... I didn't send a single letter... so we're going to try it again... I am, however, making sure I send happy birthday notes on Facebook... it's got to count for something.
Writer: This is the easiest challenge to decide on, yet the hardest one to accomplish... I have a deadline of Feb 28, 2010 (strike that and replace with March 20, 2010) to finish the final draft for peer review.
Activist: This one is one I've been wanting to do for years but haven't. I'm switching out all of our cleanign supplies to "green" cleaners. Done... whoohooo... for next month, I'm going to reorganize our recycling so things don't fall through the cracks.
Soul (formerly Catholic): This month, I'm going to spend time not only reading the daily scripture, but I'm going to take time to reflect and meditate on what the words mean to me. Better, but not good enough... try again in March.
Adventurer/Athlete: The mini is coming and so is my 36th birthday. This is the year to make a change in the way I treat my body. Keep going, maybe this month will get it right!
Foodie: Following up on that last line, this months challenge is to make every meal, excluding special occassions, at home. I would say I scored about 80% on this one... this month, I'm going to keep the same goal and add try at least three new dishes a month and if there's something I really like, get the recipe in my recipe box!
Reformed Spend-a-holic: One thing builds upon the next! This month, I am going to make a grocery budget and I am going stick to it!So aced this one... next month, stay on our monthly budget and resist temptation to stray!
Athlete: See Adventure/Athlete
Homemaker: My house looks like it has been overrun by the messy elves and they have done a whopper of a job. So this month, I'm going to go room by room and take back my house by not only deep cleaning, but declutter. The elves can't trash what they can't find! And March is the new February!
Crafty: Since I'm going to be writing letters to friends and family, I need to bulk up my card stash . This month, I will finally get my scrapbooking area cleaned up and spend a couple nights making cards to send out! Repeat for March!
Well there you have it... an "eh" month... next month will be better... I see spring on the calendar and soon the butterflies will thaw... it's a great time to be alive!
Wife: So this month, I will honor our marriage by consciously thinking about what I can do to help him have a better day. I've struggled with this from day to day... as part of my Lenten preparation, I am doing the Love Dare, and while our marriage is a good one, I'm finding that we don't always treat each other as kindly as I once thought. Not to say we are down-right mean, but we are gifted in pushing each others buttons. For March, I will work harder to change the way I respond to my awesome husband and hopefully I will see that returned.
Mother: For the next 26 days, I will do something constructive and creative with my children. Much better than in the past... still a bit more to go. We've revamped our daily schedule so that we can all (hopefully) accomplish what we need from the day. God grant us the serenity as I implement these changes.
Friend: Whether it's a quick note or a long letter attempting to catch up with old friends, I'm going to send a letter. Horrible... I didn't send a single letter... so we're going to try it again... I am, however, making sure I send happy birthday notes on Facebook... it's got to count for something.
Writer: This is the easiest challenge to decide on, yet the hardest one to accomplish... I have a deadline of Feb 28, 2010 (strike that and replace with March 20, 2010) to finish the final draft for peer review.
Activist: This one is one I've been wanting to do for years but haven't. I'm switching out all of our cleanign supplies to "green" cleaners. Done... whoohooo... for next month, I'm going to reorganize our recycling so things don't fall through the cracks.
Soul (formerly Catholic): This month, I'm going to spend time not only reading the daily scripture, but I'm going to take time to reflect and meditate on what the words mean to me. Better, but not good enough... try again in March.
Adventurer/Athlete: The mini is coming and so is my 36th birthday. This is the year to make a change in the way I treat my body. Keep going, maybe this month will get it right!
Foodie: Following up on that last line, this months challenge is to make every meal, excluding special occassions, at home. I would say I scored about 80% on this one... this month, I'm going to keep the same goal and add try at least three new dishes a month and if there's something I really like, get the recipe in my recipe box!
Reformed Spend-a-holic: One thing builds upon the next! This month, I am going to make a grocery budget and I am going stick to it!So aced this one... next month, stay on our monthly budget and resist temptation to stray!
Athlete: See Adventure/Athlete
Homemaker: My house looks like it has been overrun by the messy elves and they have done a whopper of a job. So this month, I'm going to go room by room and take back my house by not only deep cleaning, but declutter. The elves can't trash what they can't find! And March is the new February!
Crafty: Since I'm going to be writing letters to friends and family, I need to bulk up my card stash . This month, I will finally get my scrapbooking area cleaned up and spend a couple nights making cards to send out! Repeat for March!
Well there you have it... an "eh" month... next month will be better... I see spring on the calendar and soon the butterflies will thaw... it's a great time to be alive!
A monetary celebration
At 9 am, we had 100% of our federal tax refund in our checking account. At 10am, all of it had been spent... on getting out of debt. Seriously, it was the best meeting of our financial minds we have ever had. Plus, we have a plan to get all of our debt expect for my student loan, in four years. I know you aren't supposed to talk about money, but quite frankly, I think that's what's wrong with the economy... or was wrong with the economy. No one wanted to fess up to the fact that they couldn't keep up with everyone else, except very few people could actually keep up in the first place, so who were you keeping up with? (Did that make sense?)
All I know is that I am liberated from that part of my past and intent on being liberated from the rest soon. We're taking Dave Ramsey and tweeking it for what our life plans are. It's not like we couldn't pay our bills or had creditor hounding us, or anything like that... we just weren't making our money work for us. What instigated this change? Well, Louis was offered a management position during the day, which would have been great, but he would have had to quit his PRN job. That would mean a lose of $30,000. We just aren't in a place where that will work. But we want to be there. The kids are getting involved in sports and soon enough, there will be scouting... there parents met at a boy Scout camp, so you know scouting is in our future, and a lot of those things happen at night. (Plus, I agreed to handle the Cub Scout thing, but I am not being a Boy Scout Leader. I know there are some women who do it, but I have no desire to be one of them... I want to send everyone in my home away for a week of camp and go to a spa!
It's not just the accomplishment of paying things off that has me running on a high... it's the idea that finally I have taken charge of things in my life. I've reworked our schedule so there is more time for the book, because the truth is, if the book sells, we get out of debt faster and I do not want to go back to the "traditional" workforce when the kids are in school. I want to be able to be home with them when they are sick or know their friends and provide a safe, warm place for their friends to hang out. I've given up the idea that I will have warm cookies ready when they walk in the door, but there will always be fresh fruit.
Speaking of the book, I am back on the writing train. It's been too long. For a few days, I couldn't "get into my characters head". You know how, after years, you run into someone you knew in high school, but really didn't keep in contact with and you make small talk, but after that, there's nothing left to say... that's how it was. But we've muddled through and are chums once again. I have a few crafty things to do today, but I'm hoping to work on the book some more tonight.
On Monday, I am beginning my second attempt to marathon edit the book to completetion. I am giving myself 20 days to finish and 10 days to print, bind and ship to my editor and three readers for feedback. Hopefully I'll get some responses by the end of April and I will be able to start submitting in May. During that time when my baby is being fostered by others, I will be working on my query letter and starting book two. I don't want to become strangers with my characters again.
Monday also begins my full-time training for the mini. For those of you now from around here, the mini is the half-marathon that is part of the Indianapolis 500 celebration. This year, I am doing it and it happens to fall on my 36th birthday. I plan on this being a changing moment in my life. Not since college have I taken on an athletic feet that required dedication and consistant practice. Plus, I want to prove to myself (and others) that I can do it. Monday is going to be a rough day, but I can do it!
I think I should end with that! Have a wonderful weekend and I look forward to posting more changes in my life!
All I know is that I am liberated from that part of my past and intent on being liberated from the rest soon. We're taking Dave Ramsey and tweeking it for what our life plans are. It's not like we couldn't pay our bills or had creditor hounding us, or anything like that... we just weren't making our money work for us. What instigated this change? Well, Louis was offered a management position during the day, which would have been great, but he would have had to quit his PRN job. That would mean a lose of $30,000. We just aren't in a place where that will work. But we want to be there. The kids are getting involved in sports and soon enough, there will be scouting... there parents met at a boy Scout camp, so you know scouting is in our future, and a lot of those things happen at night. (Plus, I agreed to handle the Cub Scout thing, but I am not being a Boy Scout Leader. I know there are some women who do it, but I have no desire to be one of them... I want to send everyone in my home away for a week of camp and go to a spa!
It's not just the accomplishment of paying things off that has me running on a high... it's the idea that finally I have taken charge of things in my life. I've reworked our schedule so there is more time for the book, because the truth is, if the book sells, we get out of debt faster and I do not want to go back to the "traditional" workforce when the kids are in school. I want to be able to be home with them when they are sick or know their friends and provide a safe, warm place for their friends to hang out. I've given up the idea that I will have warm cookies ready when they walk in the door, but there will always be fresh fruit.
Speaking of the book, I am back on the writing train. It's been too long. For a few days, I couldn't "get into my characters head". You know how, after years, you run into someone you knew in high school, but really didn't keep in contact with and you make small talk, but after that, there's nothing left to say... that's how it was. But we've muddled through and are chums once again. I have a few crafty things to do today, but I'm hoping to work on the book some more tonight.
On Monday, I am beginning my second attempt to marathon edit the book to completetion. I am giving myself 20 days to finish and 10 days to print, bind and ship to my editor and three readers for feedback. Hopefully I'll get some responses by the end of April and I will be able to start submitting in May. During that time when my baby is being fostered by others, I will be working on my query letter and starting book two. I don't want to become strangers with my characters again.
Monday also begins my full-time training for the mini. For those of you now from around here, the mini is the half-marathon that is part of the Indianapolis 500 celebration. This year, I am doing it and it happens to fall on my 36th birthday. I plan on this being a changing moment in my life. Not since college have I taken on an athletic feet that required dedication and consistant practice. Plus, I want to prove to myself (and others) that I can do it. Monday is going to be a rough day, but I can do it!
I think I should end with that! Have a wonderful weekend and I look forward to posting more changes in my life!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Day Two
Big surprise... it was harder to hold my tongue today with Louis. (Day Two of the Love Dare is the same as Day One, and continues for all 40 days.) I got a little snarky with him and when I stopped, he thought I was mad which prompted him to get snarky with me. It's funny, in 2 days I realized that while we have a good marriage, we don't always treat each other well. Perhaps my effort to adjust the way I treat my husband will have an added benefit of changing the way he treats me. We've been together so long that we know how to push each others buttons.
I wonder how often that happens in marriages. Surely we are not the exception. I wonder if it has always been like this or if we, as a society, have become so dissatisfied with our lives that we fail to see how our actions impact others. This is something I think I will discover, at least for myself, over these next several weeks!
I am starting the Purpose Driven Life tonight... too tired last night.
I wonder how often that happens in marriages. Surely we are not the exception. I wonder if it has always been like this or if we, as a society, have become so dissatisfied with our lives that we fail to see how our actions impact others. This is something I think I will discover, at least for myself, over these next several weeks!
I am starting the Purpose Driven Life tonight... too tired last night.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
A small note about this blog
Those who are nearest and dearest to me (or on my friends list on facebook) might be aware that I am a fanatic about editing my novel. However here, on my blog, I must confess that I write and post without even spell checking. It's not that I don't care and maybe one of the next few weekends, I will sit down and edit these posts, but for now, don't expect perfections. I have dedicated all my brain power to the red pen and the 399 page novel that haunts my dreams!
Day One
I know it's been a while... but it's been a busy week. My baby turned three on Sunday and now I don't feel like I can call him my baby anymore...mostly because he told me he's not a baby anymore. Then, I got to spend an evening with my CRHP team. Even though it's only been a few weeks since we were together, I was so excited to see them and the fellowship did not disappoint!!
But today is Ash Wednesday. Today is the day that I begin my 40 days of rehabilitation. I'm calling it that because in essence, it's what I'm doing. I'm focusing on changing the way I look at my marriage, I'm changing the way I look at my family. I'm changing the way I interact with God. And finally, I'm changing the way I look at myself.
Day One of the Love Dare hasn't been too hard... though there was a moment that I almost said something to Louis, but instead, I took what he said in strides, and now, several hours later, I can't even remember what he said that irritated me. Which made me think: How often do I get upset about something that really isn't a big deal? And furthermore, how often does my getting upset about something make it into a big deal, when it wasn't one to begin with? And honestly, holding my tongue led to a much more relaxed day overall. Now, if it had been something that really bothered me, I would have waited until I had calmed down and addressed it with Louis, but obviously, it wasn't.
The boys and I played with Play-doo this afternoon, and I will admit, I got a little frustrated as I tried to teach them how to use this made in China plastic contraption. Actually, what bothered me more was how they mixed the different colors together into a brownish pile, but then I realized play-doo is cheap. I can make it myself or by 4 cans for $2.50, so really, who cares... we were having fun.
Finally, I am attempting to do the Rosary every night. I have a special place for Mary... she is the most selfless mother ever to walk the Earth. She raised a child knowing that someday, she would watch her child die at the hands of His enemy. And yet she never lost faith. I feel one way I can grow closer to her is to pay my respects.
All in all, it's been a great first day of Lent!
But today is Ash Wednesday. Today is the day that I begin my 40 days of rehabilitation. I'm calling it that because in essence, it's what I'm doing. I'm focusing on changing the way I look at my marriage, I'm changing the way I look at my family. I'm changing the way I interact with God. And finally, I'm changing the way I look at myself.
Day One of the Love Dare hasn't been too hard... though there was a moment that I almost said something to Louis, but instead, I took what he said in strides, and now, several hours later, I can't even remember what he said that irritated me. Which made me think: How often do I get upset about something that really isn't a big deal? And furthermore, how often does my getting upset about something make it into a big deal, when it wasn't one to begin with? And honestly, holding my tongue led to a much more relaxed day overall. Now, if it had been something that really bothered me, I would have waited until I had calmed down and addressed it with Louis, but obviously, it wasn't.
The boys and I played with Play-doo this afternoon, and I will admit, I got a little frustrated as I tried to teach them how to use this made in China plastic contraption. Actually, what bothered me more was how they mixed the different colors together into a brownish pile, but then I realized play-doo is cheap. I can make it myself or by 4 cans for $2.50, so really, who cares... we were having fun.
Finally, I am attempting to do the Rosary every night. I have a special place for Mary... she is the most selfless mother ever to walk the Earth. She raised a child knowing that someday, she would watch her child die at the hands of His enemy. And yet she never lost faith. I feel one way I can grow closer to her is to pay my respects.
All in all, it's been a great first day of Lent!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Lent is coming
As a Catholic, I am encouraged to make a sacrifice during the fourty days of Lent. Normally I give up soda or cheese or something like that. But this year, I am taking a different approach. In honor of my journey to discover who I really am and what I am meant to do with my life, Lent will be a fourty day "marathon" of examination. First, I am attempting to complete the Love Dare. If you don't know what that is, Google it... you'll find a billion results for it. Second, I am going to look inward and begin The Purpose Driven Life. Again, Google will provide excellent explanations. Finally, I am going to pick one of my bad habits and break it. It's a lot to work on in fourty days, but I think this is the year to expect more from myself. The boys don't know it, but they two are going to sacrifice during Lent, though they are not expected to. We're cutting our TV time in half. Instead, I am filling the time with activities and outings.
I know this is a short post, but I am in the final push to complete the edits of the book. With any luck, the edits will be done by Feb. 28 and out to my readers by March 2nd or 3rd. Wish me luck and I will continue to update this blog with my progress.
I know this is a short post, but I am in the final push to complete the edits of the book. With any luck, the edits will be done by Feb. 28 and out to my readers by March 2nd or 3rd. Wish me luck and I will continue to update this blog with my progress.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I am a Facebook addict
Hello, my name is Sarah, and I am addicted to Facebook. Seriously, if there is some conspiracy by a group intent on world-wide domination of the masses, then I am falling for their ploy. I check Facebook at least 6 times a day. It has become my primary form of communication with my sister and many of my friends, and it has lured me in with promise of social inclusion (Sorority Life) and family ties (Mafia Wars). I have learned to farm and am an expert treasure hunter. I know what a high school friend had for lunch and I know that my SIL should never go to Vegas without an electric shock collar. I am connected to friends I haven't spoken with in over a decade, which is pretty cool. However, I still sit up and realize that an hour or more has gone by when all I wanted to do post that nothing important was going on in my life.
And yet, for all the worthless things I do on Facebook, I am unable to break it's hold over me. I'll admit that my addiction reached a higher level when I broke my leg just before Christmas, but now I have no excuse. I have a book that needs to be finished so I can get an agent and then get published. I have to break my addiciton, and I might as well add that to my eating and spending addictions... attack them all at the same time.
I am planning on starting Weight Watchers this month. I know I've done it several times before, but now I am more apt to make my own food then ever before, plus I am gym bound starting Friday, assuming that my shoulder is up and running.
Today is supposed to be the first day of a marathon edit session... unfortunately, I haven't worked on th ebook at all. I know I work better under preassure, but this is insane. Louis was gone this past weekend and I kinda let the rules slack. Now, I'm paying the price. Actually, the kids have been pretty good about going to bed and everything, but still, the evening comes around and I am exhausted.
I feel like I'm in a tough spot. I know I want more kids, no matter what other people say, we are meant to be a larger family. However, I'm meant to be a writer... Unfortunately, having little ones around and trying to focus on getting creative does not seem to go hand. There has to be a way to be a well-balanced mom... ugh.
Louis has decided not to take the day job at Hancock. We talked about it and we can be out of debt sooner if he sticks to nights for just two more years. I know that's a long time, but it will be better for our family to have him home and not have worries about money clouding our time together. It's a good idea, even though it means two more years without him at night. However, we are going to downsize our budget so he can stay home at least one night more a month. It will happen. I will make it happen.
I will have to edit this post tomorrow. In addition to a couple of interruptions, my eyes are getting lower and lower. I really don't like these drug combo, but my shoulder doesn't hurt, so yea!!!!
And yet, for all the worthless things I do on Facebook, I am unable to break it's hold over me. I'll admit that my addiction reached a higher level when I broke my leg just before Christmas, but now I have no excuse. I have a book that needs to be finished so I can get an agent and then get published. I have to break my addiciton, and I might as well add that to my eating and spending addictions... attack them all at the same time.
I am planning on starting Weight Watchers this month. I know I've done it several times before, but now I am more apt to make my own food then ever before, plus I am gym bound starting Friday, assuming that my shoulder is up and running.
Today is supposed to be the first day of a marathon edit session... unfortunately, I haven't worked on th ebook at all. I know I work better under preassure, but this is insane. Louis was gone this past weekend and I kinda let the rules slack. Now, I'm paying the price. Actually, the kids have been pretty good about going to bed and everything, but still, the evening comes around and I am exhausted.
I feel like I'm in a tough spot. I know I want more kids, no matter what other people say, we are meant to be a larger family. However, I'm meant to be a writer... Unfortunately, having little ones around and trying to focus on getting creative does not seem to go hand. There has to be a way to be a well-balanced mom... ugh.
Louis has decided not to take the day job at Hancock. We talked about it and we can be out of debt sooner if he sticks to nights for just two more years. I know that's a long time, but it will be better for our family to have him home and not have worries about money clouding our time together. It's a good idea, even though it means two more years without him at night. However, we are going to downsize our budget so he can stay home at least one night more a month. It will happen. I will make it happen.
I will have to edit this post tomorrow. In addition to a couple of interruptions, my eyes are getting lower and lower. I really don't like these drug combo, but my shoulder doesn't hurt, so yea!!!!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Low on posts right now...
Turns out, somehow I managed to pull my shoulder muscle. I have spent the last 10 days in agony, but now I am set up with muscle relaxers, pain meds and anti-inflammatory prescriptions. Unfortunately, the meds make me super tired and loopy. Great timing... just as I am getting ready to start a marathon sprint to finish the edits. Hopefully tomorrow will allow me the ability to actually get all my cleaning I want to do done and work on the book so I can get to bed at an early time!
I am signing off... I really don't like what the meds are doing to me. If it wasn't so painful to go without them, I would stop taking them immediately. Sorry for the poor editing... okay, I didn't do any!
I am signing off... I really don't like what the meds are doing to me. If it wasn't so painful to go without them, I would stop taking them immediately. Sorry for the poor editing... okay, I didn't do any!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Did God stop talking or did we stop listening?
I was watching an episode of Bones tonight and it got me to thinking... the episode was set in a mental institute and there was a minor character who claimed to be an angel... she was locked away. In the Bible, there are numerous account of prophets. We see Moses and Abraham, etc. So I wonder where the prophets are today... surely God hasn't run out of messages for us. I find it hard to believe that just because the Bible has been published, there are no more wise men (and women) who were sent, by Divine, to teach us.
Of course, there are people like the Dahli Lama and Mother Teresa, people who are revered for their faith and spirituality, but do we see them as prophets? My fear is not that God has stopped sending messages to us, but that we have stopped listening. How do we know that every single person that has been committed is suffering from a psychological disorder? (I know... I'm a renegade psych major, but think about it.) If you were sitting on a bus and some man or woman told you he had a message for you from God, what would you do? Me? I would change seats. I hate to say it, but I live in a world where people solict underage children for sex and murder people of any number of things... we don't live in a kind world. I wonder, if we are ignoring His messengers, what He will do to get our attention.
Most people have heard about the Mayan calendar ending in 2012 and there are some doomsday people who insist that the world is ending in December. Personally, I think the guy in charge of making the calendar got bored and decided to take up a new profession. However, there are some who disagree with the end of the world theory and subscribe to the idea that the consciousness of the human race is evolving. As a species, we are becoming more attuned to a higher level of understanding and if this is the real meaning behind 2012, I fear for those who are more attuned to Spirit. I fear that they will be persucuted. I fear that they will be tortured for their convictions. Perhaps the torture won't come in the form of tar and feather or other Inquisitional method, but in the socially accepted manner of drug induced unconsciousness. I fear that even those who proclaim the word of God will dismiss the reverence of truly holy people.
I know this is a random post, and perhaps I'm way off base, but I felt the need to write it. Life is random, and yet it's all part of a bigger plan. Everything we do set something else in motion.
Of course, there are people like the Dahli Lama and Mother Teresa, people who are revered for their faith and spirituality, but do we see them as prophets? My fear is not that God has stopped sending messages to us, but that we have stopped listening. How do we know that every single person that has been committed is suffering from a psychological disorder? (I know... I'm a renegade psych major, but think about it.) If you were sitting on a bus and some man or woman told you he had a message for you from God, what would you do? Me? I would change seats. I hate to say it, but I live in a world where people solict underage children for sex and murder people of any number of things... we don't live in a kind world. I wonder, if we are ignoring His messengers, what He will do to get our attention.
Most people have heard about the Mayan calendar ending in 2012 and there are some doomsday people who insist that the world is ending in December. Personally, I think the guy in charge of making the calendar got bored and decided to take up a new profession. However, there are some who disagree with the end of the world theory and subscribe to the idea that the consciousness of the human race is evolving. As a species, we are becoming more attuned to a higher level of understanding and if this is the real meaning behind 2012, I fear for those who are more attuned to Spirit. I fear that they will be persucuted. I fear that they will be tortured for their convictions. Perhaps the torture won't come in the form of tar and feather or other Inquisitional method, but in the socially accepted manner of drug induced unconsciousness. I fear that even those who proclaim the word of God will dismiss the reverence of truly holy people.
I know this is a random post, and perhaps I'm way off base, but I felt the need to write it. Life is random, and yet it's all part of a bigger plan. Everything we do set something else in motion.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
February Challenges
I've been thinking about how I'm wanting to make a journey to discover the real me, but I've yet to actually challenge myself to do so. I have these hats that I talk about, but unless I actually wear them, and I mean committ to wearing them, they are no more than imaginary head gear for me to prance around in. So I'm going to challenge myself every month to do more, to do better, and to just do. At first, I thought I would just make up one challenge. One thing that I really wanted to focus on. However, upon closer reflection, I realized that totally defeats my purpose in intergrating all parts of myself into one complete and well-balanced person. So each month, I'm going to pull out my hats, inspect them for wear and tear and then find something, even if it's small, to improve. Think of it as blinging out my life. Adding sparkle and shine to a me that is worn and frayed.
So, here we go:
Wife: This one is easy, and yet not so easy. It's so easy to get caught up in the daily grind that I fail to truly appreciate what my husband does for our family. He sacrifices in so many ways and I don't always acknowledge his contributions. So this month, I will honor our marriage by consciously thinking about what I can do to help him have a better day.
Mother: I've noticed in the last few weeks that I get most frustrated with the kids when I am trying to get something done and they are under foot... the truth is, eventually, no matter how many toys my kids have, they get bored, and TV is not the solution. (Seriously, I'm joining Tipper Gore and saying that violent movies and video games do have a negative impact on children.) For the next 26 days, I will do something constructive and creative with my children. Whether it's getting down on the floor and playing Mater the Greater or providing them with a chance to paint a train or plane, or just sit with them while they work on their "homework", I have a job to teach my children and I can do better!
Friend: I think there is entirely too much mail with strings attached. How many people look forward to opening their mailbox now adays? I'm willing to bet that many, not all, but many don't. Gone are the days when people took the time to actually write letters or send card just bacause. Just because they value someone's friendship or appreciate their kindness. So that's what I'm going to do every day for the rest of the month. Whether it's a quick note or a long letter attempting to catch up with old friends, I'm going to send a letter. Now don't think, just because you don't receive a letter, you aren't important to me. I'm actually thinking about sending cards and letters to people I don't talk to often or haven't spoken with in years, yet who have impacted my life in various ways.
Writer: This is the easiest challenge to decide on, yet the hardest one to accomplish... I have a deadline of Feb 28, 2010 to finish the final draft for peer review. After more than a year, it's time to move on to finding an agent. So that's it. Finish this last rewrite, send it out to readers and my "editor". Hopefully all that will be left is a polishing of the work.
Activist: This one is one I've been wanting to do for years but haven't. I'm switching out all of our cleanign supplies to "green" cleaners. Better for the air quality of our house and better for the water that we drink. I'll post recipes for anyone who wants them.
Soul (formerly Catholic): I renamed this hat because it is more descriptive to what I want in my life. While I am Catholic and growing in my faith, I also see my spirituality as something that can not be defined by one word. Granted, for me, it's a powerful word, but I need to change on the soul level. So this month, I'm going to spend time not only reading the daily scripture, but I'm going to take time to reflect and meditate on what the words mean to me.
Adventurer/Athlete: Yep, it's the dual hat challenge of the year. I am afraid of going to the gym. Seriously, I have mini-panic attacks when I think about it. But I'm never going to get in shape or get over my fear if I don't walk in that door every day and do what I need to do. The mini is coming and so is my 36th birthday. This is the year to make a change in the way I treat my body.
Foodie: Following up on that last line, this months challenge is to make every meal, excluding special occassions, at home. This actually sounds easier than it will be in light of Lent. Every year, Catholics in America take part in fasting and refraining from meat on Fridays as a preparation for Easter. I am not a fan of fish. My husband will eat it and my kids like fish sticks, but honest to goodness fish... we're talking Long John's Silver... and even then, I need it slatthered in tarter sauce... and cheese... and anything else. I've actually got some prett good menus planned, so I'm staying focused and I know I can do this.
Reformed Spend-a-holic: One thing builds upon the next! This month, I am going to make a grocery budget and I am going stick to it! Thank goodness for planned meals.
Athlete: See Adventure/Athlete
Homemaker: My house looks like it has been overrun by the messy elves and they have done a whopper of a job. So this month, I'm going to go room by room and take back my house by not only deep cleaning, but declutter. The elves can't trash what they can't find!
Crafty: Since I'm going to be writing letters to friends and family, I need to bulk up my card stash . This month, I will finally get my scrapbooking area cleaned up and spend a couple nights making cards to send out!
That's it. I think it's a pretty full plate and while some of the challenges may continue into next month, it's a good start on doing the things that I need to do to be the me that's waiting to shine.
So, here we go:
Wife: This one is easy, and yet not so easy. It's so easy to get caught up in the daily grind that I fail to truly appreciate what my husband does for our family. He sacrifices in so many ways and I don't always acknowledge his contributions. So this month, I will honor our marriage by consciously thinking about what I can do to help him have a better day.
Mother: I've noticed in the last few weeks that I get most frustrated with the kids when I am trying to get something done and they are under foot... the truth is, eventually, no matter how many toys my kids have, they get bored, and TV is not the solution. (Seriously, I'm joining Tipper Gore and saying that violent movies and video games do have a negative impact on children.) For the next 26 days, I will do something constructive and creative with my children. Whether it's getting down on the floor and playing Mater the Greater or providing them with a chance to paint a train or plane, or just sit with them while they work on their "homework", I have a job to teach my children and I can do better!
Friend: I think there is entirely too much mail with strings attached. How many people look forward to opening their mailbox now adays? I'm willing to bet that many, not all, but many don't. Gone are the days when people took the time to actually write letters or send card just bacause. Just because they value someone's friendship or appreciate their kindness. So that's what I'm going to do every day for the rest of the month. Whether it's a quick note or a long letter attempting to catch up with old friends, I'm going to send a letter. Now don't think, just because you don't receive a letter, you aren't important to me. I'm actually thinking about sending cards and letters to people I don't talk to often or haven't spoken with in years, yet who have impacted my life in various ways.
Writer: This is the easiest challenge to decide on, yet the hardest one to accomplish... I have a deadline of Feb 28, 2010 to finish the final draft for peer review. After more than a year, it's time to move on to finding an agent. So that's it. Finish this last rewrite, send it out to readers and my "editor". Hopefully all that will be left is a polishing of the work.
Activist: This one is one I've been wanting to do for years but haven't. I'm switching out all of our cleanign supplies to "green" cleaners. Better for the air quality of our house and better for the water that we drink. I'll post recipes for anyone who wants them.
Soul (formerly Catholic): I renamed this hat because it is more descriptive to what I want in my life. While I am Catholic and growing in my faith, I also see my spirituality as something that can not be defined by one word. Granted, for me, it's a powerful word, but I need to change on the soul level. So this month, I'm going to spend time not only reading the daily scripture, but I'm going to take time to reflect and meditate on what the words mean to me.
Adventurer/Athlete: Yep, it's the dual hat challenge of the year. I am afraid of going to the gym. Seriously, I have mini-panic attacks when I think about it. But I'm never going to get in shape or get over my fear if I don't walk in that door every day and do what I need to do. The mini is coming and so is my 36th birthday. This is the year to make a change in the way I treat my body.
Foodie: Following up on that last line, this months challenge is to make every meal, excluding special occassions, at home. This actually sounds easier than it will be in light of Lent. Every year, Catholics in America take part in fasting and refraining from meat on Fridays as a preparation for Easter. I am not a fan of fish. My husband will eat it and my kids like fish sticks, but honest to goodness fish... we're talking Long John's Silver... and even then, I need it slatthered in tarter sauce... and cheese... and anything else. I've actually got some prett good menus planned, so I'm staying focused and I know I can do this.
Reformed Spend-a-holic: One thing builds upon the next! This month, I am going to make a grocery budget and I am going stick to it! Thank goodness for planned meals.
Athlete: See Adventure/Athlete
Homemaker: My house looks like it has been overrun by the messy elves and they have done a whopper of a job. So this month, I'm going to go room by room and take back my house by not only deep cleaning, but declutter. The elves can't trash what they can't find!
Crafty: Since I'm going to be writing letters to friends and family, I need to bulk up my card stash . This month, I will finally get my scrapbooking area cleaned up and spend a couple nights making cards to send out!
That's it. I think it's a pretty full plate and while some of the challenges may continue into next month, it's a good start on doing the things that I need to do to be the me that's waiting to shine.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Home is where the natural cleaners are
So, we are decluttering and cleaning out the house. I can 't wait to have my house back. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate housework. You know how some people, when they get angry or upset or anything , they clean... yeah, not so much with me. But, I am willing to make some changes, if for no other reason than my sanity!
We bunked the boys bed and now the goal is to get as much of their stuff into their room without taking up too much of their play area. So far, it's working out okay, but go figure, we have too much stuff! I'm hoping to get most of their stuff that they no longer play with packed up soon. I'm also getting the kitchen reorganized and the dining room set up to double as a "school room" and the family eating area. I need to get my writing space organized so I can finish the book. Overall, I'm happier with the direction that the house is heading, though there is a lot more left to do.
In light of the additional cleaning I've been doing, I'm trying out all natural cleaners to see how they work. So far, I'm really impressed with the simplicity and the cost. Heck, the stuff I've tried so far actually works! Whohoo! It's going to be a good experience!
We bunked the boys bed and now the goal is to get as much of their stuff into their room without taking up too much of their play area. So far, it's working out okay, but go figure, we have too much stuff! I'm hoping to get most of their stuff that they no longer play with packed up soon. I'm also getting the kitchen reorganized and the dining room set up to double as a "school room" and the family eating area. I need to get my writing space organized so I can finish the book. Overall, I'm happier with the direction that the house is heading, though there is a lot more left to do.
In light of the additional cleaning I've been doing, I'm trying out all natural cleaners to see how they work. So far, I'm really impressed with the simplicity and the cost. Heck, the stuff I've tried so far actually works! Whohoo! It's going to be a good experience!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Crock Pot Magic
So, I'm trying to get back to making home cooked meals, and by get back to, I mean start cooking, but with the active life that we have, I just don't have the time to stand over a stove and try something new, so I've decided to start cooking more with the crock pot. In fact, I have meal plans for the next two weeks and all of them are crockpot based. I'm also turning to my bread machine to help me have fresh bread in the house on a regular basis. The truth is, as nice as it sounds to think I might actually make something French, I really need to figure out how to feed my family on a budget and I need to do it quickly! As I thought about the advantages of crock pot cooking, I realized that while my roast simmered away, I could play games with my kids, do dishes, or heaven forbid, work on the book. Plis, there are some really easy recipes, and I'm finding that, at least tonight's dinner, managed to produce enough food for a second meal.
I'm excited about the prospect of being able to make homemade meals for my kids... now if I can just get them to eat the food I make... we had to do the "there are some little kids who have to go to bed hungary tonight!"
I'm excited about the prospect of being able to make homemade meals for my kids... now if I can just get them to eat the food I make... we had to do the "there are some little kids who have to go to bed hungary tonight!"
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Isn't it funny...
... how life doesn't always go the way you want it to, but somehow it still ends up working.
My reformed Shopoholic hat has been getting a lot of wear these days. Louis and I sat down and made a budget for the first time in our almost 15 year relationship. We see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it means that we are going to be living pretty frugally for the first time ever. Still, when all is said and done, this time two years from now, we will have only a house payment and a student loan payment, in addition to our monthly bills.
All of this came about becauses Louis was offered a day position, which is something that we both agree we need for our family, but due to the choices we made in the past, the loss of income would have been too hard for us to make up. So, he has to turn it down. I will be honest, I cried. I cried because he works so hard and he spends so much time with us that I know he is burning the candle at both ends. I cried because I get lonely at night when the kids go to bed. And I cried because I am so tired of living seperate lives. So we made a plan to get out of this situation once and for all.
And you know what... it feels great. If we didn't do this now, there is no way we could put our kids in private school (Louis and I still disagree on the terms, but as a product of public schools, catholic schools are private schools). We will be out from under the leacherous banks that have been siphoning off the dignity of the American public. (Netflix has the best documentaries ever!) But what's even greater is that I have a hand in making all this happen, and that we created our plan together. And it's just going to keep getting better!! (oh, and it's going to be hard, but like anything worth doing, it's time to do it right!)
My reformed Shopoholic hat has been getting a lot of wear these days. Louis and I sat down and made a budget for the first time in our almost 15 year relationship. We see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it means that we are going to be living pretty frugally for the first time ever. Still, when all is said and done, this time two years from now, we will have only a house payment and a student loan payment, in addition to our monthly bills.
All of this came about becauses Louis was offered a day position, which is something that we both agree we need for our family, but due to the choices we made in the past, the loss of income would have been too hard for us to make up. So, he has to turn it down. I will be honest, I cried. I cried because he works so hard and he spends so much time with us that I know he is burning the candle at both ends. I cried because I get lonely at night when the kids go to bed. And I cried because I am so tired of living seperate lives. So we made a plan to get out of this situation once and for all.
And you know what... it feels great. If we didn't do this now, there is no way we could put our kids in private school (Louis and I still disagree on the terms, but as a product of public schools, catholic schools are private schools). We will be out from under the leacherous banks that have been siphoning off the dignity of the American public. (Netflix has the best documentaries ever!) But what's even greater is that I have a hand in making all this happen, and that we created our plan together. And it's just going to keep getting better!! (oh, and it's going to be hard, but like anything worth doing, it's time to do it right!)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Writers Block... or is it Editors Block?
Okay, so The Partizans has been completed since October, and I have been editing for a while. In fact, a few days ago, I finished the third edit, which oddly looks a lot like the first one, in terms of changes. It's sitting right next to me and I should be spending this time putting the edits in so I can get the fourth draft done by the end of February and it has me wondering... writing the book was, once I started, pretty easy... it's a charcter driven book, so I let my story lead me... but editing is a completely different story. I would love to have someone come in and type all the changes in for me. I know I should be grateful that I have time (wait... do I have time?) to do it, and I know the edits make the book better, but seriously, I can't wait until I have a contract... I need a typing assistant!
Still, I'm pretty happy with the work, and while not everyone is going to like it, I hope that I will be able to make a nice living writing books that people want to read. I still can't get over the fact that I started with blank sheets and I used the words I learned throughout my life to create 396 pages of pure fiction. Obviously I was influenced by what I like to read, but still, it is amazing to me that I had the dedication and discipline to do it. If you know me very well, you know that I blaze a path... in the beginning, until I get distracted. I blame Myers-Brigg for that, by the way... they should never have created an instrument that told me I was an ENFP. Now I am literaly licensed to be flighty! (See... I digress... AGAIN).
Where was I... oh yes... I was on the Editing thing. I have the ms. sitting right next to me... how hard would it be to put a couple pages in the computer and pretend like I did something tonight? Not hard... but I won't. I'm peaceful tonight and I don't want to spend hours working... I know that's what will happen if I start. One page will not be enough and I should really get an entire chapter done... and maybe just one more schedule. After all, I have imposed a three week deadline on myself. But tonight I will relax. I will watch a movie, read some scripture, pray to the Mary for patience tomorrow and realize that I am completely blessed to be living my dream. The edits will be there tomorrow!
Still, I'm pretty happy with the work, and while not everyone is going to like it, I hope that I will be able to make a nice living writing books that people want to read. I still can't get over the fact that I started with blank sheets and I used the words I learned throughout my life to create 396 pages of pure fiction. Obviously I was influenced by what I like to read, but still, it is amazing to me that I had the dedication and discipline to do it. If you know me very well, you know that I blaze a path... in the beginning, until I get distracted. I blame Myers-Brigg for that, by the way... they should never have created an instrument that told me I was an ENFP. Now I am literaly licensed to be flighty! (See... I digress... AGAIN).
Where was I... oh yes... I was on the Editing thing. I have the ms. sitting right next to me... how hard would it be to put a couple pages in the computer and pretend like I did something tonight? Not hard... but I won't. I'm peaceful tonight and I don't want to spend hours working... I know that's what will happen if I start. One page will not be enough and I should really get an entire chapter done... and maybe just one more schedule. After all, I have imposed a three week deadline on myself. But tonight I will relax. I will watch a movie, read some scripture, pray to the Mary for patience tomorrow and realize that I am completely blessed to be living my dream. The edits will be there tomorrow!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The Soul Hat is rockin'
I'm going through a change. All the hats I wear are starting to merge together to make up a complete me. Since Saturday I have been really focused on the road I am walking with God. We had the Christ Renews His Parish Weekend recently and I have to say, it was one of the most motivating and uplifting experiences I have had in my life. Not only did I experience and elevation of my faith, I got a chance to see others experience the same miracles that I did last year.
In addition, I have dedicated myself to my role in MOPS. This morning, we had a retreat and we were asked to consider our passions. At first, I was hestiant, as the exploration came in the form of making a poster, but honestly, it helped me to really think about what I am good at and what I want to be better at. It also allowed me to look at my gifts and how I might better serve Him with them.
It's funny... Ten years ago, I would never have posted a blog like this. Heck, two years ago would have been stretching it! But there is something in me that is changing. Something in me that is stirring. A fire is being ignited that has been only embers for more than 15 years. I am finding that, more often than before, I am satisfied with life and with what I have been provided. I want to know more, do more, be more. I want to give more, and ask for less. I want to fill my life with moments instead of things and surround myself with people who make me laugh and support me in good and bad times.
I have also come to realize that I do not place value on the things that really matter. I allow other things to take me away from my family. I have a friend who guards her family time. She passes on invited in order to ensure that she is there for her family. This is not to say that she is not social, or flexible when it comes to unusual circumstances, but she does not, as I have often done, make her family fit into her life, but rather makes her life fit to her family. I hope to be more like this.
Another thing I want to mention... there was a massive earthquake and aftershock in Haiti. Tens of thousands of people perished and the clean up and devastation will continue for years to come. And yet, in this horrible act of mother nature, I am inspired by the act of bravery and the numerous miracles that are being reported. There is great sadness, of course, and my heart breaks for the families who have lost everything they ever knew, but there are examples of how human beings can rise above what they have been given and move forward. I hope that Haiti will stay in the minds of this country and we can change what has happened there from the inside out. I hope that the world will notice the corruption and mulitude of dings against humanity and change the lot of Haiti.
In addition, I have dedicated myself to my role in MOPS. This morning, we had a retreat and we were asked to consider our passions. At first, I was hestiant, as the exploration came in the form of making a poster, but honestly, it helped me to really think about what I am good at and what I want to be better at. It also allowed me to look at my gifts and how I might better serve Him with them.
It's funny... Ten years ago, I would never have posted a blog like this. Heck, two years ago would have been stretching it! But there is something in me that is changing. Something in me that is stirring. A fire is being ignited that has been only embers for more than 15 years. I am finding that, more often than before, I am satisfied with life and with what I have been provided. I want to know more, do more, be more. I want to give more, and ask for less. I want to fill my life with moments instead of things and surround myself with people who make me laugh and support me in good and bad times.
I have also come to realize that I do not place value on the things that really matter. I allow other things to take me away from my family. I have a friend who guards her family time. She passes on invited in order to ensure that she is there for her family. This is not to say that she is not social, or flexible when it comes to unusual circumstances, but she does not, as I have often done, make her family fit into her life, but rather makes her life fit to her family. I hope to be more like this.
Another thing I want to mention... there was a massive earthquake and aftershock in Haiti. Tens of thousands of people perished and the clean up and devastation will continue for years to come. And yet, in this horrible act of mother nature, I am inspired by the act of bravery and the numerous miracles that are being reported. There is great sadness, of course, and my heart breaks for the families who have lost everything they ever knew, but there are examples of how human beings can rise above what they have been given and move forward. I hope that Haiti will stay in the minds of this country and we can change what has happened there from the inside out. I hope that the world will notice the corruption and mulitude of dings against humanity and change the lot of Haiti.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Two More Hats
January 11,2010
So, after some more reflection, I realized I had left out two hat. I know, we're up to twelve, and chances are we will eventually have a baker's dozen. After that, I'm putting a freeze on hats. I have no more room on my hat rack!
So what lucky hats are we adding? Crafty Girl and Homemaker.
Homemaker Hat: It's no secret: I'm not a domestic diva. I am horrible at keeping a spotless house and somedays, it's even hard to keep a neat house... more often than not. But I am determined to get it under control and have a home that is in harmony with the real me.
Crafty Girl Hat: This one is all frills and lace... not... I started getting into crafting as an outlet for being a SAHM, but obviously, I have a lot of other outlets. Now I want to focus my energy so that I can complete some big projects: the boys scrapbooks and building outdoor furniture for our backyard (this is a crossover with adventure, btw).
That's it for now. I'll update later how I did today.... it wasn't the best, but it was better than the worst!
So, after some more reflection, I realized I had left out two hat. I know, we're up to twelve, and chances are we will eventually have a baker's dozen. After that, I'm putting a freeze on hats. I have no more room on my hat rack!
So what lucky hats are we adding? Crafty Girl and Homemaker.
Homemaker Hat: It's no secret: I'm not a domestic diva. I am horrible at keeping a spotless house and somedays, it's even hard to keep a neat house... more often than not. But I am determined to get it under control and have a home that is in harmony with the real me.
Crafty Girl Hat: This one is all frills and lace... not... I started getting into crafting as an outlet for being a SAHM, but obviously, I have a lot of other outlets. Now I want to focus my energy so that I can complete some big projects: the boys scrapbooks and building outdoor furniture for our backyard (this is a crossover with adventure, btw).
That's it for now. I'll update later how I did today.... it wasn't the best, but it was better than the worst!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Journey Begins
January 10, 2010
It is decided. I am not the person I am meant to be. It's not anyone's fault really. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of what and who I am. So this is a journey of self-discovery. It won't always be pretty, and there will be bumps, but when it is all said and done, I will have transformed my life, for the better.
People joke about having to switch hats throughout the day, but on this journey, I am packing ten hats. Ten hats that I wear the most often. The ten that are the most important to me. They are the hats that define me and inspire me. Much like the Sorting Hat in Harry Potter, they guide me to the places I should be. I don't wear them equally, but someday I hope to have balance. The reason I mention these hats is that each of the posts on this blog should, for the most part, fall under one of these hats. Sometimes more than one. They are the parts of me, often segmented from the others, but completely me.
The wife hat, well, that goes without saying. I am married to an amazing human being. How he has managed to stay with me all these years is nothing short of a miracle. But I have not always been the best wife. I am guilty of taking advantage of his kindness and not returning the favor. I expect more from him but do not give more of myself. That is going to change. During Lent, I am embarking on the Love Dare. For those of you who haven't heard of it, it's a 40 day program that helps you put those you love ahead of yourself, all the while focusing on the message of Christ. I'm not starting it until Lent because there are some other areas that need to be addressed before I will be able to complete this goal.
The mother hat. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the mother of two amazing little boys. I am their steward and I have already failed them. This is going to be a hard one, but I know the first thing I need to work on is to have more patience and stop yelling. As I practice this, I will steal a quote from my friend Liz who said every day she strives to exhaust her child, both physically and mentally.
The friend hat. Wow. When I sit back and really look at the women (and men) who are my friends, I am so lucky that they still talk to me. Like many people, I have been more concerned about my own needs and desires and I often fail to put the need of others ahead of my own. I am a hermit by nature. Given the choice of sleeping in or going to a picnic with some friends, my instinct is to stay in my abode. But I feel like I miss out on life when I don't connect with other women. So now is the time to unleash my inner-socialite! I don't have to be the life of the party... just being at the party is a step in the right direction.
The writers hat. I will be published some day. If not this book, than another one, but some day, you will be able to go to the local bookstore and find my name on the shelf... preferably not on the clearance rack. This is a challenge because it requires strict discipline. I hate to admit it, but I am lazy, sometimes. I think this is in part connected to my hermit persona. I need to write something every day, even if it's just a letter to a friend. A more detailed account of my publishing quest, check out http://writinghoosier.livejournal.com.
The activist hat: Two seeds have been planted in my soul: green living and the fight against breast cancer. Unfortunately, that seed is still struggling to sprout. I did an organic garden this summer and I hope to increase the size of my garden this coming summer. And, I am moving all of our cleaning products to homemade remedies, but other than that, our carbon footprint remains the same. As for the fight against breast cancer, I am determined to get more involved with helping to make the lives of women fight Inflammatory Breast Cancer easier. I will blog more about this in the coming days.
The Catholic Hat: In 2004, I completed RCIA and was baptized into the Catholic church. And since then, I have struggled with my decision. Not that I regret becoming Catholic, quite the opposite. But I have struggled to find my place in the Parish. I think this is in part due to my relative newness to the Church and the years of misconceptions I am still working to rectify.
The Adventurer Hat: This is in direct response to my hermit-self. I live my life in fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of looking silly. I'm done being that girl. From now on, I will put myself out there is ways I never have before. How exactly I'm going to do this is yet to be seen.
The Foodie: I am guilty of visiting the drive-thru more often than I should, for more years than I care to admit, but things are changing in the Schmitt House. A long time lover of food, it's high time I learned to make the things I love at home. I don't want to master French cooking, but it would be nice to widen my ethnic culinary skills and make foods my kids will eat while still maintaining a healthy and balanced diet for my kids.
The Reformed Spend-a-holic: Okay, this might be a bit premature, but I hope the broken leg I have endured for the last month has done something to quell my need to spend money to feel a void. I am going to try, once again, not to buy anything brand new except for food and gifts and underwear. Plus, I'm going to reuse the things I have, reduce the objects in my house by actually using them, and buy and sell cloths (recycle)... look, we're already wearing our activist hat again!
The Athlete: Again, we are stretching this one, but it will happen. I want to train again in swimming, but in the meantime, I have a lot of working out to do. I have decided that I will be participating in the Indy 500 mini-marathon for years to come. So I am going to have to train... a lot... I think it will be amazing to get the body that I deserve back!
That's it. It's ten hats and a lot of work. But if I start now, by this time next year, the life I am meant to lead will be the one I am living. It's a tall order, but I think I can do it!!!!
Thanks for listening, and check back to see how I'm doing.
It is decided. I am not the person I am meant to be. It's not anyone's fault really. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of what and who I am. So this is a journey of self-discovery. It won't always be pretty, and there will be bumps, but when it is all said and done, I will have transformed my life, for the better.
People joke about having to switch hats throughout the day, but on this journey, I am packing ten hats. Ten hats that I wear the most often. The ten that are the most important to me. They are the hats that define me and inspire me. Much like the Sorting Hat in Harry Potter, they guide me to the places I should be. I don't wear them equally, but someday I hope to have balance. The reason I mention these hats is that each of the posts on this blog should, for the most part, fall under one of these hats. Sometimes more than one. They are the parts of me, often segmented from the others, but completely me.
The wife hat, well, that goes without saying. I am married to an amazing human being. How he has managed to stay with me all these years is nothing short of a miracle. But I have not always been the best wife. I am guilty of taking advantage of his kindness and not returning the favor. I expect more from him but do not give more of myself. That is going to change. During Lent, I am embarking on the Love Dare. For those of you who haven't heard of it, it's a 40 day program that helps you put those you love ahead of yourself, all the while focusing on the message of Christ. I'm not starting it until Lent because there are some other areas that need to be addressed before I will be able to complete this goal.
The mother hat. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the mother of two amazing little boys. I am their steward and I have already failed them. This is going to be a hard one, but I know the first thing I need to work on is to have more patience and stop yelling. As I practice this, I will steal a quote from my friend Liz who said every day she strives to exhaust her child, both physically and mentally.
The friend hat. Wow. When I sit back and really look at the women (and men) who are my friends, I am so lucky that they still talk to me. Like many people, I have been more concerned about my own needs and desires and I often fail to put the need of others ahead of my own. I am a hermit by nature. Given the choice of sleeping in or going to a picnic with some friends, my instinct is to stay in my abode. But I feel like I miss out on life when I don't connect with other women. So now is the time to unleash my inner-socialite! I don't have to be the life of the party... just being at the party is a step in the right direction.
The writers hat. I will be published some day. If not this book, than another one, but some day, you will be able to go to the local bookstore and find my name on the shelf... preferably not on the clearance rack. This is a challenge because it requires strict discipline. I hate to admit it, but I am lazy, sometimes. I think this is in part connected to my hermit persona. I need to write something every day, even if it's just a letter to a friend. A more detailed account of my publishing quest, check out http://writinghoosier.livejournal.com.
The activist hat: Two seeds have been planted in my soul: green living and the fight against breast cancer. Unfortunately, that seed is still struggling to sprout. I did an organic garden this summer and I hope to increase the size of my garden this coming summer. And, I am moving all of our cleaning products to homemade remedies, but other than that, our carbon footprint remains the same. As for the fight against breast cancer, I am determined to get more involved with helping to make the lives of women fight Inflammatory Breast Cancer easier. I will blog more about this in the coming days.
The Catholic Hat: In 2004, I completed RCIA and was baptized into the Catholic church. And since then, I have struggled with my decision. Not that I regret becoming Catholic, quite the opposite. But I have struggled to find my place in the Parish. I think this is in part due to my relative newness to the Church and the years of misconceptions I am still working to rectify.
The Adventurer Hat: This is in direct response to my hermit-self. I live my life in fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of looking silly. I'm done being that girl. From now on, I will put myself out there is ways I never have before. How exactly I'm going to do this is yet to be seen.
The Foodie: I am guilty of visiting the drive-thru more often than I should, for more years than I care to admit, but things are changing in the Schmitt House. A long time lover of food, it's high time I learned to make the things I love at home. I don't want to master French cooking, but it would be nice to widen my ethnic culinary skills and make foods my kids will eat while still maintaining a healthy and balanced diet for my kids.
The Reformed Spend-a-holic: Okay, this might be a bit premature, but I hope the broken leg I have endured for the last month has done something to quell my need to spend money to feel a void. I am going to try, once again, not to buy anything brand new except for food and gifts and underwear. Plus, I'm going to reuse the things I have, reduce the objects in my house by actually using them, and buy and sell cloths (recycle)... look, we're already wearing our activist hat again!
The Athlete: Again, we are stretching this one, but it will happen. I want to train again in swimming, but in the meantime, I have a lot of working out to do. I have decided that I will be participating in the Indy 500 mini-marathon for years to come. So I am going to have to train... a lot... I think it will be amazing to get the body that I deserve back!
That's it. It's ten hats and a lot of work. But if I start now, by this time next year, the life I am meant to lead will be the one I am living. It's a tall order, but I think I can do it!!!!
Thanks for listening, and check back to see how I'm doing.
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