Getting overwhelmed

I'm having a very confusing day! This morning, I woke up full of confidence. I was ready to take on the end of the book and sail through the morning with no distractions. Because, having two kids, that seemed reasonable. But as the morning wore on and the impending dentist appointment grew closer, doubt has poisoned my day.

I thought it might be good to start building my database of agents I want to submit to. Turns out, that's something better done with the aid of a glass (bottle) of wine or some other alcoholic substance. There are so many agents out there. Do I stick with the NYC ones or do I branch out to agencies in other parts of the country. I can see going to SF, CA route, but Orlando? North Carolina? Is it worth my time? How do I know if an agent is reputible? How do I know I can trust them? How long do I give them before I realize that they aren't going to call? Am I really good enough to get published? Sure, I've posted on my other blog about writers who's work, at least to me, seems sub-par to my own, and yet they staill manage to obtain a contract, but maybe they knew someone. Maybe they had a foot in the door. Maybe they self-published.

Perhaps I'm  a purist, but I don't want to self-publish. I don't a hidden gem in my back pocket that I can whip out and say, "Here, don't you know so-and-so?" I have these "dreams" that I make it "big"... by big, I mean sell enough to cover the cost of writing another...and some new shoes... maybe some pens... but the world of publishing is large. It's competitive. It's foreign. So many questions and even when I figure out the answers, they only uncover more questions.

I know I'll figure this out. I always do, but just once, today, I would love for someone to call me and say, "Hey, a little bird told me you were writing a book. You know, I know someone who knows someone.... let's see what we can do."

Yeah... talk about a dream!