Hanging up some hats

I hate to admit it, but I can't do everything all the time.

The last few weeks have been a blur. During the month of March, my grandfather was diagonsed with cancer and I went back to Kansas to spend time with the man who has been the most stable male influence in my life. I had planned to be there as long as I was needed, but less than a week after I arrived, my grandfather took his leave from our Earthly kingdom and departed for his heavenly home. To say that I was sad is an understatement, but having the chance to care for him and also be there in his last moments left me changed (once again). I realized that, as much as I try not to, I sometimes forget what's important. See, my grandfather lived his life by his rules and he was a greatly loved and respected man for it. He didn't, even in death, conform to what others thought he should do. He wasn't perfect, but he was good, and I can only hope to be half the person that he was.

In retrospect, I realized that I am taking on a little too much at one time to truly find out who I am. So, I am hanging up (temporarily) several hats. First, the activist in me will have to be absorbed into the other things I am doing. I hope to someday be a part of some movement, or at least something bigger than me, in an active way, but for now, home and hearth and a still unfinished novel, will have to do. I can go green by preparing healthy foods made with natural ingredients and making my own cleaning supplies, but the rest will have to wait.  Second, the foodie in me is on hold. I will still be cooking, but it will be simple things that my family will eat, with the occassionaly experiment thrown in for good measure. Third, adventure, much like activist, will be taken over by accomplishing goals while wearing the other hats. The biggest adventure  I have is my family. The second biggest adventure is my previously mentioned and still unfinished book. Finally, while I will still do the occassional spread or make a greeting card from time to time, my crafty hat will also find an empty hook on which to rest. Eventually, I will take these hats up and wear them proudly as I walk down the street, but I know, when I die, I won't think to myself, "I wish I would have learned to cook French food." But I think I will wish that my book had been translated into French.

So that's it. I have cut my twelve hats down to eight. I have focused on what is most important and I am a better person because of it. My new goal is to end the day eager to wake up in the morning and experience everything that life and God have to offer. To live in the moment  and not do anything I for which I might have to apologize. When I look back on my life, I hope that this will be the time where I stop living with regret and starting living a life of uncommon grace and love. I hope to have left a small impact on those around me and love without condition. Sure, I will probably be grumpy every now and then, but I will do what needs to be done, just like my grandpa!