The Journey Begins

January 10, 2010

It is decided. I am not the person I am meant to be. It's not anyone's fault really. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of what and who I am. So this is a journey of self-discovery. It won't always be pretty, and there will be bumps, but when it is all said and done, I will have transformed my life, for the better.

People joke about having to switch hats throughout the day, but on this journey, I am packing ten hats. Ten hats that I wear the most often. The ten that are the most important to me. They are the hats that define me and inspire me. Much like the Sorting Hat in Harry Potter, they guide me to the places I should be. I don't wear them equally, but someday I hope to have balance. The reason I mention these hats is that each of the posts on this blog should, for the most part, fall under one of these hats. Sometimes more than one. They are the parts of me, often segmented from the others, but completely me.

The wife hat, well, that goes without saying. I am married to an amazing human being. How he has managed to stay with me all these years is nothing short of a miracle. But I have not always been the best wife. I am guilty of taking advantage of his kindness and not returning the favor. I expect more from him but do not give more of myself. That is going to change. During Lent, I am embarking on the Love Dare. For those of you who haven't heard of it, it's a 40 day program that helps you put those you love ahead of yourself, all the while focusing on the message of Christ. I'm not starting it until Lent because there are some other areas that need to be addressed before I will be able to complete this goal.

The mother hat. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the mother of two amazing little boys. I am their steward and I have already failed them. This is going to be a hard one, but I know the first thing I need to work on is to have more patience and stop yelling. As I practice this, I will steal a quote from my friend Liz who said every day she strives to exhaust her child, both physically and mentally.

The friend hat. Wow. When I sit back and really look at the women (and men) who are my friends, I am so lucky that they still talk to me. Like many people, I have been more concerned about my own needs and desires and I often fail to put the need of others ahead of my own. I am a hermit by nature. Given the choice of sleeping in or going to a picnic with some friends, my instinct is to stay in my abode. But I feel like I miss out on life when I don't connect with other women. So now is the time to unleash my inner-socialite! I don't have to be the life of the party... just being at the party is a step in the right direction.

The writers hat. I will be published some day. If not this book, than another one, but some day, you will be able to go to the local bookstore and find my name on the shelf... preferably not on the clearance rack. This is a challenge because it requires strict discipline. I hate to admit it, but I am lazy, sometimes. I think this is in part connected to my hermit persona. I need to write something every day, even if it's just a letter to a friend. A more detailed account of my publishing quest, check out http://writinghoosier.livejournal.com.

The activist hat: Two seeds have been planted in my soul: green living and the fight against breast cancer. Unfortunately, that seed is still struggling to sprout. I did an organic garden this summer and I hope to increase the size of my garden this coming summer. And, I am moving all of our cleaning products to homemade remedies, but other than that, our carbon footprint remains the same. As for the fight against breast cancer, I am determined to get more involved with helping to make the lives of women fight Inflammatory Breast Cancer easier. I will blog more about this in the coming days.

The Catholic Hat: In 2004, I completed RCIA and was baptized into the Catholic church. And since then, I have struggled with my decision. Not that I regret becoming Catholic, quite the opposite. But I have struggled to find my place in the Parish. I think this is in part due to my relative newness to the Church and the years of misconceptions I am still working to rectify.

The Adventurer Hat: This is in direct response to my hermit-self. I live my life in fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of looking silly. I'm done being that girl. From now on, I will put myself out there is ways I never have before. How exactly I'm going to do this is yet to be seen.

The Foodie: I am guilty of visiting the drive-thru more often than I should, for more years than I care to admit, but things are changing in the Schmitt House. A long time lover of food, it's high time I learned to make the things I love at home. I don't want to master French cooking, but it would be nice to widen my ethnic culinary skills and make foods my kids will eat while still maintaining a healthy and balanced diet for my kids.

The Reformed Spend-a-holic: Okay, this might be a bit premature, but I hope the broken leg I have endured for the last month has done something to quell my need to spend money to feel a void. I am going to try, once again, not to buy anything brand new except for food and gifts and underwear. Plus, I'm going to reuse the things I have, reduce the objects in my house by actually using them, and buy and sell cloths (recycle)... look, we're already wearing our activist hat again!

The Athlete: Again, we are stretching this one, but it will happen. I want to train again in swimming, but in the meantime, I have a lot of working out to do. I have decided that I will be participating in the Indy 500 mini-marathon for years to come. So I am going to have to train... a lot... I think it will be amazing to get the body that I deserve back!

That's it. It's ten hats and a lot of work. But if I start now, by this time next year, the life I am meant to lead will be the one I am living. It's a tall order, but I think I can do it!!!!

Thanks for listening, and check back to see how I'm doing.