Until today, I never really cared about spring. Of all the seasons, it's the least dramatic. If you think about it, it's kind of like the warm up act for summer. Everything in spring happens so gradually that you hardly notice until one day, the lightweight sweater you put on in the cool morning has turned into a portable suana. Or the flowers you planted weeks before seem to bloom overnight. Neither of those events "just happened". They were a long time coming. We just didn't see the work being done.
That's how I feel today. Like something that has been buried just below the surface has popped up and while I'm not sure what it means, I know that my growth is taking an outward appearance. For example, I have been putting off getting my hair highlighted. Now those of you who knew me in grad school know that in an of itself should have been cause to have me committed. But today, I took a chance, went to the Cosmotolgy School here in town and am quite happy with the results... yes, I may actually forego the expensive salon prices for a good product at a great price. It may seem silly, especially if your a guy, but what's one of the first things we women do when we're ready for a change? Show me MAKEOVER.
Another thing that has changed is the book. I am still editing, but now when people ask me about it, I share a bit without hesitation. Not that writing the book has redefined me, but let's be honest, writing 401 pages of fiction is something that more than a few people want to do, but the number of people who actually put pen to paper (or document to printer) is far less. Even if the book never gets published, I get to cross something off my bucket list. It's the realization that I accomplished something even I thought I would never do, and it turns out not to suck. Even better.
Spring also makes me feel like things are possible. Maybe last year I didn't take the kids to the park as often as I wanted. Maybe I found reasons not to have adventures, even little ones, with them. Maybe last year, I didn't get in shape. Maybe I wasn't the best friend I could have been. Maybe I was too short with my husband. The great thing is, I realize that today (and every day) is a clean slate. It's a chance to start over. While there is someone in my past who caused me great pain, he did have a couple of hallmark moments. One of his comments was about gettting a chance to start the day over every second of every day. All you have to do is realize that you're on the wrong path, make a choice to change it, and then do it. (I really, for his sake, wish he would have taken some of his sage advise.) But he was none-the-less right. Every moment we have is a chance to make our life more. More of what we want, more of who we are, more love, more kindness, more hope, more forgiveness, more laughter, more everything.
So enjoy the awesome weather, even if hail is beating down on your car... that's what insurance is for, trust me, I know... and take some time to live in the moment and enjoy life. Can't do that? Well it's your lucky day. You have the chance to make a change.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Hanging up some hats
I hate to admit it, but I can't do everything all the time.
The last few weeks have been a blur. During the month of March, my grandfather was diagonsed with cancer and I went back to Kansas to spend time with the man who has been the most stable male influence in my life. I had planned to be there as long as I was needed, but less than a week after I arrived, my grandfather took his leave from our Earthly kingdom and departed for his heavenly home. To say that I was sad is an understatement, but having the chance to care for him and also be there in his last moments left me changed (once again). I realized that, as much as I try not to, I sometimes forget what's important. See, my grandfather lived his life by his rules and he was a greatly loved and respected man for it. He didn't, even in death, conform to what others thought he should do. He wasn't perfect, but he was good, and I can only hope to be half the person that he was.
In retrospect, I realized that I am taking on a little too much at one time to truly find out who I am. So, I am hanging up (temporarily) several hats. First, the activist in me will have to be absorbed into the other things I am doing. I hope to someday be a part of some movement, or at least something bigger than me, in an active way, but for now, home and hearth and a still unfinished novel, will have to do. I can go green by preparing healthy foods made with natural ingredients and making my own cleaning supplies, but the rest will have to wait. Second, the foodie in me is on hold. I will still be cooking, but it will be simple things that my family will eat, with the occassionaly experiment thrown in for good measure. Third, adventure, much like activist, will be taken over by accomplishing goals while wearing the other hats. The biggest adventure I have is my family. The second biggest adventure is my previously mentioned and still unfinished book. Finally, while I will still do the occassional spread or make a greeting card from time to time, my crafty hat will also find an empty hook on which to rest. Eventually, I will take these hats up and wear them proudly as I walk down the street, but I know, when I die, I won't think to myself, "I wish I would have learned to cook French food." But I think I will wish that my book had been translated into French.
So that's it. I have cut my twelve hats down to eight. I have focused on what is most important and I am a better person because of it. My new goal is to end the day eager to wake up in the morning and experience everything that life and God have to offer. To live in the moment and not do anything I for which I might have to apologize. When I look back on my life, I hope that this will be the time where I stop living with regret and starting living a life of uncommon grace and love. I hope to have left a small impact on those around me and love without condition. Sure, I will probably be grumpy every now and then, but I will do what needs to be done, just like my grandpa!
The last few weeks have been a blur. During the month of March, my grandfather was diagonsed with cancer and I went back to Kansas to spend time with the man who has been the most stable male influence in my life. I had planned to be there as long as I was needed, but less than a week after I arrived, my grandfather took his leave from our Earthly kingdom and departed for his heavenly home. To say that I was sad is an understatement, but having the chance to care for him and also be there in his last moments left me changed (once again). I realized that, as much as I try not to, I sometimes forget what's important. See, my grandfather lived his life by his rules and he was a greatly loved and respected man for it. He didn't, even in death, conform to what others thought he should do. He wasn't perfect, but he was good, and I can only hope to be half the person that he was.
In retrospect, I realized that I am taking on a little too much at one time to truly find out who I am. So, I am hanging up (temporarily) several hats. First, the activist in me will have to be absorbed into the other things I am doing. I hope to someday be a part of some movement, or at least something bigger than me, in an active way, but for now, home and hearth and a still unfinished novel, will have to do. I can go green by preparing healthy foods made with natural ingredients and making my own cleaning supplies, but the rest will have to wait. Second, the foodie in me is on hold. I will still be cooking, but it will be simple things that my family will eat, with the occassionaly experiment thrown in for good measure. Third, adventure, much like activist, will be taken over by accomplishing goals while wearing the other hats. The biggest adventure I have is my family. The second biggest adventure is my previously mentioned and still unfinished book. Finally, while I will still do the occassional spread or make a greeting card from time to time, my crafty hat will also find an empty hook on which to rest. Eventually, I will take these hats up and wear them proudly as I walk down the street, but I know, when I die, I won't think to myself, "I wish I would have learned to cook French food." But I think I will wish that my book had been translated into French.
So that's it. I have cut my twelve hats down to eight. I have focused on what is most important and I am a better person because of it. My new goal is to end the day eager to wake up in the morning and experience everything that life and God have to offer. To live in the moment and not do anything I for which I might have to apologize. When I look back on my life, I hope that this will be the time where I stop living with regret and starting living a life of uncommon grace and love. I hope to have left a small impact on those around me and love without condition. Sure, I will probably be grumpy every now and then, but I will do what needs to be done, just like my grandpa!
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